So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
