used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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