do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
