At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My vagina just recognized that song.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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