what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
