Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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