East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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