girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize