The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
