Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
