guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
bring money and cleavage
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
