I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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