how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
