I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
