You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
