His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
