Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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