dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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