Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
