I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
