I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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