How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
