I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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