I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
