We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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