Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
