the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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