i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
