i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
