Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
