he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
