two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
