He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
