Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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