So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize