This is not my ceiling
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
