yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He felt like a one man threesome
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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