Apparently you make a good broom.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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