This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
