: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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