are you still at the devil's house?
I'm going to jail i love you
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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