I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
