I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
