yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
