Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
