guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
