I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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