OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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