I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
