Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize