Where did you get a picture of my penis
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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