No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
