I am puke
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
