Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
