he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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