Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
