Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
