it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
