I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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