I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
