Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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