I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
