sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
