i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
