everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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