She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
