If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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