Ambien. No doubt about it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
