i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
