nut hugger
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
