I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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