just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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