Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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