hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
