last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
