How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize