this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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