I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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