Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
