I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
