Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
