ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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