I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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