My pussy is not your playground.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
