i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
