Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
