Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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