very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
