Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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