You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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