super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
