***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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