Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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