yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
