i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
